No More Wandering

No More Wandering

Joyce Becenti

My name is Joyce Becenti. I was born in Crownpoint, New Mexico. I am Navajo belonging to the Sagebrush Hill Clan and am born for Standing House. I’m not young anymore, and I’ve experienced a lot in my life. I survived an abusive relationship. I survived years of reckless substance abuse. I would put anything in my mouth that would alter my mind. I lost so many things—my children, my home, my marriage, and even my faith—during my years of wandering. 

I went through boarding school in my youth. I was always getting into trouble. I was surrounded by religious things, but God had not changed my heart. I didn’t understand God’s love for me. I often think about my years of wandering without God. I remember learning about the Israelites who wandered forty years in the wilderness. They gave God every reason to give up on them, but He never did. Looking back, that describes my life too.

Starting at a young age, I moved around a lot. At one point a family took me in. I had no family nearby, so they treated me like their own family. That should have made me stop and think, but it didn’t. I was wild. I just kept going and going. I moved from place to place—Michigan, then Minnesota, then Wisconsin. I ended up living on the Lac Courte Oreilles Reservation for several years before my final move—back to be with family in Albuquerque, New Mexico. My oldest son, who was removed from my care when he was young, needed help. He and his wife were expecting twins, so I moved close by to help them.

This was the season when God began working in my heart and life. My head was full of questions, and I started looking for answers in the Bible. I remember reading through the Gospel of John and reaching chapter 14:

Let not your heart be troubled…I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto Myself; that where I am, there ye may be also. –John 14:1-3

These verses really spoke to my heart. For years, I had thought that I would always wander. I never thought I would settle down. But these verses told me that I have a home in Heaven where Jesus is preparing a place for me!

God was at work in my son’s life as well. We began looking for a church to attend, and we accidentally found one by what I would call a “divine intervention.” Within the same week, my son and I both made a wrong turn down the same street and saw the same sign for a little church nearby. So when the next Sunday morning came around, we both had the same idea: “Hey, let’s check out that little church.” We went, and we were so welcomed! The pastor took me and my son under his wing. He began to teach us about the Bible, about God, and about His love. God did heart surgery on us through the preaching of His Word.

I believe that God sees what the future holds. He guides us when we trust and obey Him. I never could have imagined that someday my son would be called to pastor that very same church! I have learned that walking with God is more than just going to church, singing, reading the Bible, and then going home and doing whatever you want to do. Walking with God is an everyday relationship with Jesus. He makes life worth living! I have learned how to walk instead of wander—and it has been a wonderful journey.

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths. –Proverbs 3:5-6

With my whole heart have I sought thee: O let me not wander from Thy commandments. Thy Word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against Thee. –Psalm 119:10-11

The Lord has been really good to me—especially during the hard times. I used to wonder why bad things always seemed to happen to me. But I have come to realize that God was preparing me to help others (II Corinthians 1:3-4).

I went back to school to get my education degrees and began investing my life in others as a social worker. God used me to work with women who were hurting like I was, and with families that had been torn apart by the system. I could say to them, “I know what it is to lose your children. I know what it is to be battered—to be black and blue from the top of your head to the bottom of your feet. I have felt what that is like. I know what it is to live with a man who drinks every day; I know that! And you know what? If I can change, you can change!” I would point to my heart and tell them, “Right here. This needs to change. You don’t need a Band-Aid for your problem—you need healing on the inside. That is where change happens!”

The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit. –Psalm 34:18

Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. –Proverbs 4:23

Teach me Thy way, O Lord; I will walk in Thy truth: unite my heart to fear Thy name. –Psalm 86:11

I am retired now, but it is so nice to see some of my old clients who are an intact family again—living productive lives for the Lord! That really makes me feel like God has used me to do something to help others. We need to look out for our young people who are falling into despair. We need to help our young mothers and invest in our young families. As Native people, our hearts are for our children and families. Only Jesus can hold families together!

I am going through some health problems right now, but I am growing. Through all of this pain and suffering, I’m developing a stronger relationship with Jesus. From my house I can see the Sandia Mountains. I see the might and the power of God—and I pray. People might think, “That lady is just praying to the mountain!” No, I’m not praying to the mountain. I’m recognizing the magnificence and the glory of God. That is why Psalm 121 is so special to me—God wants us to look at His creation and be reminded of His power to care for us.

I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth. –Psalm 121:1-2

I know that if He can make a mountain, He can heal me. If He can make a mountain, He can change a person’s life. My Creator is my Helper!

But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love Him. –I Corinthians 2:9

I’m glad that I’m a follower of Jesus. I’m glad that I love the Lord. But do you know what makes me sad? It took me forty years of wandering around to finally learn that I have a home (II Corinthians 5:1,8). I wasted forty years that could have been joyful years—walking in the light of Christ.

For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. –II Corinthians 4:6

I hope that many of you who hear my story can know the joy and peace that I have now. I don’t feel lonesome anymore. I don’t feel like I don’t have any place to stay. I know where I’m going. I know that there’s a better home prepared for me—a dwelling place that is permanent…a forever home!

In My Father’s house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. –John 14:2